Czechmatediary

I went to get a facial and a massage which my dear hubby bought for my 30th birthday. The massage always turns out to be great; even the facial is always relaxing, but I tell you, the beginnings are rough - at least for me. As soon as I assume your position on the ‘facial table’ (don’t know the exact name for it) I get bombarded with quite the personal questions about what products am I using on my skin; what soap, what cleansing water, what night cream, what day cream, what eye cream, what wrinkle cream……I guess I would not be so annoyed by it if I did not feel so self-conscious. I just use one face cream (at least I think it’s a face cream and not a foot cream) and that’s it. And half of the time I don’t even know what brand it is! I find it in the grocery store in the cosmetics isle and it is on sale. What else can one want? When I was bombarded by those unpleasant questions this time, of course I had a brain fart and I forgot the name of the frickin’ cream again! So I said “huh….Neutrogena” - for some reason that name sticks to my brain. And I have also had a few products of that brand in the past…I think. (more…)

I was thinking about making post about Czech jokes the other day, about how funny and yet so cruel they can be! The first google result brought me to the My Czech Republic forum where participants talk just about this particular topic. One of the participant’s response (Petr B) was especially helpful in forming these following ideas. He says: “About Czech jokes. I don’t think we have those “how many … takes to exchange a bulb”, “knock-knock” or “lawyer” jokes…”. He is right, I did not even realize that! Here are some of the categories that me and the forum guy came up with:

CZ: Chtela jsem napsat post o ceskych vtipech a pri svem googlovani jsem natrefila na forum My Czech Republic, kde se lide bavili prave o tomto tematu. Jedna osoba (Petr B) byla velmi dulezita pri formovani techto skupin:

1. Chauvinist/Feminist jokes

1. Feminists from all over the world are having a huge meeting. On the stage appears an English feminist and says: “I came home, I hit the table with my wrist and said to my husband:”I am not cooking from now on”. I see nothing the first week or the second week, but the first week I see my husband cooking dinner.” The hall vibrates with a great applause. The second guest speaker is a German feminist and says: “I came home, hit the table with my fist and said to my husband: ” I am not doing laundry from now on!”. I see nothing the first week or the second week. The third week, I see my husband doing the laundry.” Even greater applause came from the audience. Then the Czech feminist goes on stage and says: “I came home, hit the table with my fist and said to my husband: “From now on, I am not cooking or doing the laundry.” The first week I see nothing; the second week I see nothing; when third week rolls around I am starting to see with one eye.” (more…)

I’ve got to tell you this story because it’s just too funny (or sad?) not to tell. So, the other day I have been working on the Lemon-n-lime jewelry piece that one of you  ordered and this is how it went down:

I start stringing those Czech beads on a string and everything is going well. Hahna is taking her nap, I am sipping on a cup of good coffee and listening to some calming classical music. My strand is done in about 20 minutes and I lay it down on the table to take a sip of my beverage. As I am picking the bead strand again I realize that I have not closed it on one side yet but it was too late……..all of those beads spilled out into my half-empty coffee mug!!!! “Great, now I have to start over AND wash these coffee-stained beads AND dry them!” (more…)

What words should you stay away from when you go to the Czech Republic? In other words, what words could get you there into a big trouble? According to the results of Readers Digest these sentences are a BIG no-no:

1. If you say: “Things were better during communism” (the winner)
2. Young people hate being asked what time they get home
3. Men hate hearing negative comments about their driving (universal law I think..)
4. Women hate being told to calm down

CZ: Pred jakymi slovy byste si meli davat pozor, kdyz budete travit nejaky ten cas v Cechach? Podle Readers Digest toto jsou ti nebezpecni ‘vyherci’:

1. Veta typu “Za komunismu nam bylo lip”
2. Mladi lide nesnasi, kdyz se jich rodice zeptaji v kolik budou vecer doma
3. Muzum se nelibi, kdyz nekdo okomentovava jejich rizeni
4. Zeny nenavidi, kdyz jim nekdo rika, aby se uklidnily

Source: http://www.radio.cz/en/article/120846

I found some terribly scary pictures to get you ready for this year’s Halloweeeeeeeeen. The bananas are my all-time favorite :0)

CZ: Vyhrabala jsem pro vas par hrozitansky strasidelnych snimku z jakychsi minulych Halloweenu, aby jste se naladili na tento rok. Ta banankova fotka je zatim moje nejoblibenejsi :0) (more…)

“Have you ever had your teeth cleaning done?”, asked a dentist the first time I went to get my teeth checked here in the US. “I think so”, I answered. He looked at me with a puzzled look: “You think so?” To enlighten you on this topic, back in Czech -  during communist Czechoslovakia - the dental care was not so good. In fact, to be more exact, it was terrible. I remember going to the dentist once a year with my whole class and - to put you in the right mood - let me just say that I would throw up right when my mom woke me up that morning. Why? Because I was terrified of that day! The dentists were mean, totally disinterested in us and God be with you when they found a tooth decay! How did they find it? (more…)

I don’t know how about you but every time I am offering someone a cookie in the Czech language I find myself in a very confusing and uncomfortable situation. To stay true to my Czech soul I want to say ‘susenka‘ but deep inside I know -  and you know - that ‘cookie‘ is NOT a ‘susenka‘! Susenka is a waffle-like sweet cracker where as cookie si something…..different; something which does not have its equal in the Czech Republic. Simply put, there is no correct translation for the word ‘cookie‘ and that saddens me. So I guess I will just keep feeling guilty about calling it ‘susenka‘ and wait for that wonderful day when someone else will discover a different, better-fitting translation for it. However, the same acute problem is facing the word ‘muffin‘. Excuse me, but what the heck would you call that in Czech? ‘Buchta‘ - for the lack of a better term??

Life is so hard sometimes….
My mom sent my bunch of Fidorkas and Milas for my birthday the other day and when my daughter asked me what it was I could finally, without guilt, say: ‘susenka‘ - true susenka.

VOTE ON THIS HOT TOPIC IN THE POLL BELLOW: (more…)

This one will make you laugh. The attachment bellow is a short article taken from a Czech magazine for children, written in 1960 (during  deep communism). Here is the translation:

“When you, my little pioneer, are going to be 30 or 35 years old, you will wake up into the world which will be completely different from today. The communist comrades in the USSR and in our country will have available many automated factories, agricultural jobs will be done through various industrial ways and we will work 6 hours a day. At this time our discovery crew will be reaching the deepest parts of space. All these great things will have a great impact on our everyday life: 250 million tons of steel, the abundance of all appliances, free public transportation, free food at the school and factory cafeterias, living in huge appartments free of charge, free or very inexpensive vacation trips and so on. This in not a beginning of some science fiction story in our magazine, it is a realistic 20-year program of the Communist party, something which is talked, written and thought about all over the world. The capitalist fame is quickly fading. After all, in 10 years the USSR will exceed the United States 2 and half times and in 1980 we will be ahead of the US in 10-folds. It is so beautiful to live in such world! (more…)

My husband and I went to the movies the other day and I came across this license plate that said ‘PHROGUE‘ (see image above).I instantly enthusiastically exclaimed: “Look, this person is from Prague!!”. My husband gave me an empathetic smile and said:”That means ‘Frog’, honey”.

Oh well, sometimes it’s hard to live in a body of a foreigner…..

CZ: Tak jsme se zase jednou vypravili s manzilkem do kina a na parkovisti me vpadne do oka zvlastni SPZ s nasledovnym spelovanim: ‘PHROGUE‘. Hned jsem na manzela nadsene volala, “Hele, tenhle ridic je z Prahy!!”. On se na mne pobavene usmal a pote mi vysvetlil, ze to vlastne znamena ‘frog’ a ne ‘Prague’.

No jo, nekdy je tezke zit v tele cizince…..

I thought about other fun little customs that  Czechs and Slovaks have and which are hard to get rid off even if one lives abroad for a long, long time.

PS: For poll no. 1 click here

CZ: Prisla jsem na dalsi drobne ceske a slovenske zvyklosti, ktere jsou nam pod kuzi zaryte tak hluboko, ze je tezke se jich zbavit, i kdyz clovek zije nekolik let v cizine.

PS: Anketa cislo 1 muze byt nalezena zde.

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