Jose Batistuta: ‘Every other Czech hates America although he has never been there. Their opinion is straight forward: America sucks! And that’s when I remembered that I also hate America and here is why:
I hate America because it’s inhabited by beautiful, proactive and productive people, who tend to overflow with good humor, great inventiveness and – most of all – with a strong self-esteem. These people came from all over the world, they left behind their homes in order to give their children better life.
I hate America because it was built on mistakes of Europe. It guarantees freedom to all.
I hate America because I live in dingy one-bedroom apartment on a 5th floor of a commie building we call ‘panelak’, surrounded by neurotic neighbors, who complain about every step I make. When you ask an American why does he have a 6 bedroom, 6 bathroom and 2 kitchen house surrounded by a edge-dissapearing pool and palm trees, he smiles and answers: Why not?
I hate America, because it gave us many things that we cannot live without. Even the frickin’ Internet was invented there!
I hate America because it gave us Mc Donnalds – restaurants which serve unhealthy food. I hate America because every time I go by it’s crowded up to the roof, not by Americans but by Czechs.
I hate America because it clothes us. Yes, I wear jeans Levis and a T-shirt with some american slogan on it.
I hate America because Americans drive huge cars with AC and power steering, which eat ten times more gas than my mini Peugot beater car.
I hate America because in America you find endless beaches, dry prairies, dreamy mountains, sandy deserts, beautiful nature and fantastic skiing…and fishing.
I hate America because it stuffs its culture up our throats: we listen to American music, we watch American sit comes and we pay to see American movies in the movie theatres. Although we dislike all of this, we keep consuming these products.
I hate America because it has the worse schools in the world: Harvard, Yale, MIT, Stanford, Columbia, Princeton. Even that dummy Albert Einstein didn’t have any other place to teach his funny business but at Princeton. Anyone who graduates from these schools gets hired by the biggest corporations in the world and makes millions of dollars. And what about the Czech people? When the opportunity arises all of a sudden Czech people would love to study in America.
I hate America because I don’t understand it. It’s hidden somewhere on the other side of the world. It’s way too far which adds to it’s mystic qualities.
That’s why I hate America….
And last but not least, I hate America, because it goes to the war for all of us in order for us to have food on the table and so we could live comfortably; so that would not need to be afraid of another Hitler, Stalin, Hussein, Pol Pot or other psycho leaders.
America takes care of us so we can wake up in the morning, kiss our wife and kids and peacefully leave for work.
That’s why I hate America!’
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