Dentist? I don’t need no stinkin’ dentist! / Zubare? Toho nepotrebuju!

“Have you ever had your teeth cleaning done?”, asked a dentist the first time I went to get my teeth checked here in the US. “I think so”, I answered. He looked at me with a puzzled look: “You think so?” To enlighten you on this topic, back in Czech –  during communist Czechoslovakia – the dental care was not so good. In fact, to be more exact, it was terrible. I remember going to the dentist once a year with my whole class and – to put you in the right mood – let me just say that I would throw up right when my mom woke me up that morning. Why? Because I was terrified of that day! The dentists were mean, totally disinterested in us and God be with you when they found a tooth decay! How did they find it?

Well, no one was doing X-rays back then so they were just poking around in your mouth until you screamed loud enough. Once they established the fact that you needed a filling, they put a piece of wood into your mouth and let the show begin…no, it wasn’t that bad but close to it. The dentists back then did not use any local anesthetics so you just had to hold on tight to you chair handles and hope for the best.

If you were blessed not to have any decay – let me take that back – if you were blessed that they did not find any decay the doctor moved on to the next step: teeth cleaning. This procedure took about 15 seconds where the dentist submerged a piece of cotton swab into some FOUL, yelowish fluid and ran it over your teeth. Then she yelled: “Next!”.

So to come back to the American dentist’s original question, I think I can now safely say that I did not have any real teeth cleaning done up until I went to see him. In retrospect I am surprised that I still have any teeth left!!! I just turned thirty and I have just recently learned how to properly floss my teeth, for Heaven’s sake!

CZ: “Cistili vam nekdy zuby?”, zeptal se me zubar, kdyz jsem tady v Americe poprve navstivila zubarskou ordinaci. “Jo, myslim ze jo.”, odpovedela jsem nejiste. “Myslite, ze ano?”. Vy jiste vite o cem tady mluvim. Ceska zubarska komunita za komunistu nebyla az tak vyborna, spise bych s jistotou rekla, ze byla dosti podprumerna. Jako deti jsme chodily k zubarovi jednou za rok a to kolektivne, s celou tridou (rano jsem se take hned po vzbuzeni v ten den z nervozity poblinkala). Do ordinace se volalo podle abecedy, to znamena ze “A” prijmeni to mela odbyta rychle, zatimco prijmeni ke konci abecedy (jako ja) se v cekarne musela nejakou tu chvili strachy potit. Kdyz na me konecne dosla rada a sestricka me zavolala do ordinace, nikdo me nepozdravil, ani mi nedal povzbudivy usmev. Zubarka si me, jako osoby (nebo spis ditete) vubec nevsimla, jenom mi dratem probodala dasne, aby zjistila jestli mam kaz. Zadne rentgenove snimky se tenkrat nedelaly, zubarka proste cekala na to, az bolestne zarvete a pak vam provrtali zub; bez umrtveni. Jestlize jste prezili tuto cast ve zdravi, nasledovala procedura ‘cisteni zubu’. Cisteni zubu trvalo asi tak 15 sekund, kdy doktorka namocila kus vaty do ohyzdne, zazlukle tekutiny a potrela vam (pozor!) horni I dolni zuby. Pak zarvala “Dalsi!”.

Takze, abych se vratila zpatky k puvodni otazce toho americkeho zubare: po revidovani mych pameti muzu sebejiste rici, ze jsem opravdove cisteni zubu v Cechach nemela. Jsem opravdu ohromena, ze mi vubec nejake ty zuby zbyly!!! Bylo mi nedavno tricet a az ted jsem se dozvedela, jak se spravne flosuji (muj cesky slovnik k tomuto slovu nemel zadny preklad..divne) zuby!