When I tried to recycle for money…/ Moje “Vratne Lahve”

Have any of you -frugal people – tried to return recyclables at the recycling center? You should, it’s an experience of a lifetime! First of, it is not this orderly deal like when we used to return glass bottles during communism (to get the feel about what was it like, watch Return Bottles by Zdenek Sverak). Your mom sent you out with a bag of empty Mattonis and usually very unhappy lady in a grocery store exchanged them for couple of crowns and then you went home. Let me fill you in a bit on why did I decide to be this frugal while living in America. Our landlord (let’s call him Mike) has been digging through our trash for quite some time, claiming that one can make a ‘pretty good money’. Mike digs through our trash on a regular basis, especially after he hears us emptying our recycling containers into the main recycling bin. Mike is also not ashamed of this – he does it in the middle of the day or in the middle of the night. He also does some other strange things but that’s another story.

As I have been watching him day after day, digging through our trash, I decided I would give it a try myself. “Heck, who does not need some extra cash in these days?”, I thought to myself. As the D Day was approaching I gathered all of the glass, plastic and aluminum I could find and hid it on our back porch. I decided to take the move today. But just as it always happens, Mike was outside watering his plants today and he would not go away! I finally decided to chance it and took advantage of the time when the trash people came buy with their noisy trucks and I ran to my car, hoping Mike would not hear the clinging bottles. I successfully loaded everything up – including my 2-year-old daughter – and we dashed forward never to look back.

When we arrived to the recycling station, my heart sunk. All I could see was homeless people and couple of old bag ladies and a bunch of wasps flying everywhere. ‘Well, we are here now, so we may as well complete the job!”, I said. I unloaded my 2 pitiful bags and waited in ‘line’. Finally it was my turn; the guy helped me – the newbie – to group specific glass into specific containers and then came  the thrilling moment of weighing all of the stuff. The register was showing the number 18.75 which made me pleasantly surprised. Everything started to make sense! That’s why Mike goes through his daily humiliation dance with the trashcan! Then the register guy pressed a couple more buttons, opened up his register and gave me my earned treasure: $2.88!!!! Whaaatt????? Is that all???? Yep!!

I pulled my tail in between my legs and started to walk away; but then I saw my daughter slip on something really disgusting. Not only did she fall into the most foul spot on the whole earth, dipped her hands and face into it, but her knee was bleeding! Fortunately some lady had wipes on her so I wasn’t completely destroyed.

Well, you can probably guess the rest of the story. We drove away, beat down and ashamed, never to come back again. You can keep our trash, Mike!!

CZ: Mate nekdo zkusenost s vracenim lahvi v americkem recyklovacim centru? Jestlize ne, tak byste na to hned meli skocit – je to opravdu zazitek na cely zivot. Pro ty, kteri si tim jeste neprosli, nemyslete si, ze je to neco jako co jsme delavali za komousu: maminka vas poslala do obchodu s taskou plnou prazdnych matonek, kde vam nejaka otravena prodavacka z okynka vymenila lahve za par kacek (viz. film Vratne lahve). V Americe je to jine. Nejdriv mi ale dovolte vysvetlit, proc jsem se na takove extremni setreni penez vubec dala. Nas pan domaci (budeme ho nazyvat Mike) se nam uz par mesicu hrabe v kosi a lovi cokoliv recyklovatelneho, na co prijde; ze pry jsou za to ‘velke prachy’. Mike se za svuj konicek vubec nestydi, prave naopak: hrabe se v odpadcich za bileho dne, kdy se na nej kouka cela ulice. No proste, Mike je podivin.

A jak ho tak den po dni pozoruju, zozhodla jsem se to zkusit. “Kdo v tehle dobe nepotrebuje nejake ty penize na vic?”, pomyslela jsem si. A jak se ten ‘Den D’ priblizoval, pomalu ale jiste jsem si naschranovala vsechno plastikove/hlinikove/skelne, na co jsem prisla. Prave dnes jsem se rozhodla plan uskutecnit. Zrovna dneska ale Mike take zaleval sve venkovni kvetiny a to asi tisic hodin. Tak cekam, cekam, on porad zaleva, tak jsem se rozhoda vyuzit prilezitosti, kdy kolem pojedou popelari (hrozny hluk)  a vyrazila jsem s dvemi obrovskymi pytli klusem k autu, doufajic, ze Mike hlucne cinkani lahvi nezaslechne. Konecne jsem vsechno nalozila, vcetne me dvou lete dcery a jelo se.

Kdyz jsme dorazily do dotycneho centra, sevrel se mi zaludek. Misto bylo totiz plne bezdomovcu a zurive poletujicich vos. “No, tak uz jsme tady, tak tu vypravu musime preci dokoncit”, rekla jsem polohlasne. Vylozili jsme s Hanickou dva pytle odpadku a zapojili se do ‘fronty’. Po pul hodine jsme byly na rade my a po te, co my mitsni pracovnik vysvetlil, jak se ma vsechno vlastne tridit, se na kase objevila cena naseho ‘ulovku’. Drzte si klobouky, dostala jsem $2.88!!!!!!

Smutne jsem protahla oblicej, zabalila mych par dolaru a zacala jsem kracet k autu. Natahuji ruku k Hanicce, ale ta mezitim uklouzla na necem hrozitansky odpornem. Nejen ze uklouzla, ona si do toho taky namocila ruce a oblicej a navic si odrela  koleno!!! Nastesti jedna z mistnich pani mela ubrousky, tak jsem ji celou otrela. No, co vam mam rikat; pobite a zahanbene jsme se odkodrcaly autem domu s tim, ze Mikovy klidne ty odpadky do budoucna necham.