Capitalists? I don’t smell no stinking capitalists! / Kapitalisti? Ja zadne necitim!

My Czech friend Pavla recently prompted me to write about the times when we had a yearly gas mask training at school. It was mandatory, so that we would know what to do in case some capitalist ‘pig’ decides to use the mushroom cloud on us. I don’t remember about it much since I was still kind of young (and my memory is terrible). I do have a vision in my head of putting those weird things on and then walking in the school hallways, feeling like a fool (especially if some cute boy walked right by). Since my story is not that interesting I called on to my Czech friends to help me write these memoirs . This is what they remember about those weird days:

CZ: Moje kamaradka Pavla mi nedavno poradila, abych napsala memoar o tom, jak jsme ve skole cvicili s plynovymi maskami (nebo-li tzv. branne cviceni). Nebyly to proste blaznive casy, kdyz si na to ted vzpomenete? Ja si toho z te doby moc nepamatuju (jenom to, ze jsme ten den tise chodily s dlouhymi choboty po chodbach nasi skoly), ale par mych kamaradek si toho vybavuje vic. Posudte sami – je to fakt zabava:

1. ‘Well, I don’t remember too much just that we had a gas-mask exercise once a year. The teachers handed us our masks which we had to wash with alcohol as a type of disinfection before we put them on. Of course, everyone had to have his own personal mask, which was fitted specifically for his skull. Before the correct mask was chosen for us, our face was measured with a specific measuring tool which kind of looked like pliers. I remember them measuring the distance between the nose and the chin. When our masks were finally clean  it was time to put them on and get to work. We were put into pairs and started walking in a long line all around the school hallways for about an hour. This was a favorite time for the teachers since the whole school got very quiet – no one could really talk in these masks and even if you tried no one could not understand what you were saying. That’s about all I remember.’

CZ: ‘No ja si toho teda moc nepamatuju, jen to, ze jednou za rok bylo cviceni. Rozdali se plynovy masky, ktery jsme si muesli pekne pred nasazenim umyt vatickou a lihem. Kazdy mel samozrejme masku svou, kterou nam kazdymu vyrobili primo na miru, presne podle velikosti obliceje. To se merilo takovym specialnim meritkem, ktery vypadalo neco jako kleste a pekne se merilo od nosu k brade. Kdyz jsme si teda masky vycistili lihem a vylestili skla, masku jsme si nasadili a cviceni mohlo zacit. Samotne cviceni obnaselo to, ze jsme ve dvojicich chodili v plynovych maskach asi pul hodiny az hodinu po skolnich chodbach. Pro ucitele to byl asi oddych, protoze ve skole najednou vsechno utichlo a nikdo ani necekl. V maskach se mluvilo dost spatne a ani jsme si nerozumneli. No a to je asi tak vsechno, co si o tom pamatuju.’

(Marketa)

2. ‘I also don’t remember much; I do remember though, that our gas mask training always took place in  nature. The school was canceled on that day, our moms would pack us lunch with a lot of empty plastic bags and rubber bands and then we went for a walk in the near-by woods. Once we were there we sat down ate our lunches, put the masks on, put plastic bags over our feet and hands and fastened them with rubber bands. Then we orderly walked around a meadow for some time. After that we got rewarded by some play-time and then we went home. The fact that we didn’t have to go to school on that day was great but other than that it was kind of boring.’

CZ: ‘Ja si toho taky moc nepamatuju, ale u nas to vzdycky bylo takove cviceni v prirode. Skola tan den nebyla, maminky nam zabalily batuzky se svacinou, pytliky a gumickami, a sli jsme na vylet do blizkeho lesa. Tam jsme usedli, snedli svacinu, nasadili masky, na ruce a nohy navlekli igelitove pytliky, upevnili gumickami a chvili jsme tak chodili po louce. APak jsme hrali nejake hry a sli jsme domu. Bylo to fajn, protoze nebyla skola, ale jinak nic moc. Rikalo se tomu pochodove cviceni’.

(Nikola)

3. ‘We had to go through this gas masque parade every year. On that particular ‘D Day’ one had to bring to school couple of special supplies: a raincoat, 4 plastic bags and 4 rubber bands. At first they measured our faces in order to fit in a correct mask size. Then we had to wash it, put on our rain coat, cover our hands and our feet with plastic bags and fasten them with the 4 rubber bands. Then we had to run into the bunker, which was located – at least in my case – by the gymnasium. Once ‘safely’ in the gym whe had to stay there for 15 minutes before we could go back to our class. When the drill was over we had to take off our  armor in a specific order: first it was the plastic bags from our shoes; then the rain coat, then the gas mask and then finally the plastic bags from our hands could be taken off as well. After that we had to wash our hands in a specific cleansing solution. Good times, good times….’

CZ: ‘Kazdorocne jsme si museli projit na zakladni skole brannym cvicenim. Museli jsme so do skoly prinest plastenku 4 pytliky a 4 gumicky. Hned po ranu nam zmerili oblicej na plynnovou masku. Museli jsme si ji vycistit, obleci si plastenku nandat si na ruce a na nohy pytliky zagumickovat a nandat plynovou masku. Pote jsme museli utikat do krytu coz v nasi skole bylo vedle telocvicny. Tam jsme museli setrvat 15 min a pak jit zpet do tridy a sundat si pytliky a plastenku. Muselo to byt v tomto poradi: pytliky na nohach; potom plastenka plynova maska a nakonec pytliky na rukach ( kdyby nahodou nepritel pouzil chemicke zbrane abychom se nezamorili );potom jsme si museli umyt ruce ve specialnim roztoku. Zlate casy.’

(Pavla)