I received this email from one of my American friends and although it directly does not have anything to dowith the Czech Republic or Slovakia, it so resembles our nature: eat, drink and be merry; forget about exercise – it is bad for you ;0)
CZ: Nasledujici email jsem obdrzela od jedne z mych americkych kamaradek. I kdyz se jeho obsah nevztahuje primo k Cechum nebo Slovakum, po jeho precteni uvidite, ze vlastne popisuje nasi naturu: 1/ jezme, pijme a veselme se; 2/cviceni skodi zdravi ;o)
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! ….. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
‘If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO HOO, What a Ride’
AND……
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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Nice article 🙂 The truth is, that a food in USA is not a food, it is a pharmaceutical product
This is funny. I am opening a bottle of wine after carpool and trying to remember where I hid my chocolate bar. 🙂
I LOVE this! Now I know ;o)
What?..are you kidding Me?..this article is a JOKE otherwise I’m wondering about your mental health!!
That’s exactly what happening in Czech for years and result? no.1 in colone cancer in the world and alcoholism is spread in such a way that almost every person is an alcoholic.
Like seriously Tatiana,come on now,you should give people way as how to become more healthy not as how to slowly kill our selfs!!!
Thanks,Denis.
Hi Denis,
just to clarify things, yes this article is definitely a joke. I am sorry you didn’t get it – you could have had a good laugh instead of getting upset 🙁
Hi Denis,
you can not be a Czech if you did not get this article!!! Or you are a BLOND!!! Hey, I’m just kidding, I hope you have at least a little bid sense of humor, and by the way, I’m blond ;o)
I’m sorry this article upset you so much, I think Tanja is doing great job with her blog, she knows how to put a joke together, and she can write about serious stuff as well.
Do not take everything to seriously ;o) including my commend…
Tanja, after having written this article, you should write: “JUST KIDDING” :))
Lenka, Martina, Tanja….you are KIDDING, right???
You are NOT serious, are you? Because if you are, it is an outright joke 😀
I am not kidding. The wine was OH SO GOOD, I did manage to find the chocolate bar under the dog food and my tredmill was donated to Goodwill :):):)
BTW, I was tasting a dog food, it was quite good..
Lot of protein….
lol, what brand? My kids are experts in dog food. Had it as a part of their dayli food intake when they were little 🙂
Lenka, don’t scare our non-Czech friends away…. 😀
A fine prints for rest of us:
I was just kidding
🙂
Sorry, forgot … JUST KIDDING
OK lidi,nebudu se trapit anglictinou.
Tak teda jo,dostalas Me!!Ale vite co,vy se tak nejak znate takze vite o co jde.Ja se sem podivam jednou za mesic a co se tyce komentu tak to bylo vubec poprve co jsem neco pridal.(Zatim Me zaden z clanku takhle “neoslovil” lol)
Od ted to teda cele musim brat s davkou nadhledu.
Aspon se projevilo,ze to co pises lidi opravdu berou vazne,coz si myslim ze je dobre.Zacinas mit medialni moc =).
Tak jo teda lidicky,hezky se bavte!!Uz se nemuzu dockat az Me zase necim naserete =)
Hi Denis,
Tak to jsem rada, ze mas prece jen smysl pro humor ;o)
Tano, ale vazne, zrejme bys prece jen mela napsat priste pri podobnem clanku, ze je to vtip. Ono kdyz jsem nad tim tak premyslela, tak nekteri lidi maji IQ tykve, a mohli by se timto clankem opravdu ridit, pak by meli z toho treba mrtvicku, a zacali by Te soudit, ze se jen ridili Tvou radou ;o)
Ale opravdu, znas pripad, jak lidi kouri, dostanou rakovinu plic, a pak soudi vyrobce cigaret. Americani jsou v tomto zvlastni, radi se soudi pro kazdou s prominutim “blbost”. Nevim, jestli si nekdo pamatujete, jak pred mnoha lety si jedna pani koupila kafe v McDonaldu, sedla do auta, dala si kafe mezi nohy a oparila se!!! No a pak soudila McDonald a ted pozor, vyhrala soud!!!!!! Do dneska to nepochopim… Takze Tano, vrele doporucuji napsat na zacatek Czechmatediary neco jako nasledujici:
“Acess and read ONLY at Your Own Risk”
LOL ;o)))
JJ, na MackyD si asi pamatuji vsichni. To byl prvni z velkych vyher co si ja pamatuju. Hrozne me to prekvapilo. Ale nevyhrala soud, McDonald se s ni vyrovnal mimou soud. No jo, stalo je to mene nez kdyby platili pravniky a PR.
Tak jsem to detska vyresila – na konci meho spielu jsem dala “;0)” (tedy wink), aby me lidi nesoudili za infarkty 🙂
Diky, ze jste se za me zastali, a doufam, ze Daniela zase brzy nejak ‘nenaserem’ :))
Tano, tak si myslim, ze ho zase naseres!!!! On to neni Daniel,ale Denis ;o)
No to jsem se do toho zapletla….ale ja jsem s tim Danielem “just kidding”!!!!!! To vis, ze jsem myslela Denis ;))
Denis Ti to odpusti, je to sympatak, ale pri svem talentu si dej bacha, at omylem neoslovis treba sveho manzela jinym jmenem, to by Ti tak hladce doma urcite neproslo ;o))
Myslim, ze bychom nemeli psat upozorneni, ze jde jen o vtip, mozna ten “wink” bude fajn, stejne tomu prave ten, pro ktereho to je urcene, rozumet nebude…
A vubec bych si nedelal starosti, ze nekdo, kdo se bude ridit tim clankem, se stane alkoholikem a klepne ho pepka z prebytku tuku a nedostatku pohybu…
Buh vi, co dela, a rozhodne se postara o “prirozenou selekci” ;0) (wink)