Michael’s story: Gems of Czech language (part IV.) / Michal vypravi o klenotech ceskeho jazyka (4. cast)

I am nearing the end of the semester in my level 2 Czech language course and what have I learned? I’ve learned much about the structure of this language without a whole lot of confidence that I can dare speak it to anyone (unless they don’t know a word of Czech). We, the students, have been told (warned) that third level will be entirely in Czech – no cheating with English. Great worry on our part.

So, having presented my instructor with the traditional American symbol (an apple) of respect and thanks to a teacher for a job well done, where to go from here? Our end-of-semester final is in two weeks then my wife and I take the plunge, despite stiff economic difficulties, and will travel to the Czech Republic, she to visit the small villages of her forebears and me to likely stand mute when I have this wonderful opportunity to speak this language I have chosen to learn. No matter how my language skills work or do not work, this will likely be the most interesting trip I have ever made.

Tanja, the editor-in-chief of this most excellent and illustrative website has asked me to report on this trip so you, the readers, are not yet rid of me – sorry (prominte – I have learned that word very well). But, during this semester of Czech I have learned some ‘gems’ of this language and I thought I would pass them on to all of you.

In the Language as Philosophy Department:

Through high level reasoning and logic, I have determined that Czech is the true language of love. The French have always claimed that title though the Italians might vie for the honor but the entire world understands from the cradle up that the French are biased and therefore are not to be trusted where amour (I mean láska, of course) is concerned. And the Italians …. well, let us not tarry here. I, on the other hand, have not a drop of Czech blood in me so I cannot be biased (even had my DNA tested – no – no bias here). Yes, truly, Czech is the language of love. Why? If we can make the premises that poetry is the best manner of expressing love in all languages and there can be no doubt that Czech is the most poetic of languages, ergo, Czech is it for love. How do I know this? Just ask any student of Czech. Almost every verb has a –te, -me, -ou or –i ending (in some form) and every noun and adjective has a similar form of ending (-á, -ý, -é, -ho, -í). The endings seem endless. My point is this. There is always some way to rhyme using Czech. If I only knew this language, I could rival Shakespeare. Of course, this whole paragraph is based on rhyming types of poems, not the post-modernistic, anarchist-type non-rhyming poems.

Shorter but no less valuable ‚gems‘:

1. For all the Americans who have never even learned their own language and cast double negatives around with abandon „I don’t got no money“, learn Czech where double negatives are enjoyed by all and even expected in polite company.

2. There are certain phrases that just make sense and you end up asking yourself ‚why didn’t we think of that?‘ According to my grammar book, to voice the idea of a round
trip i.e. there and back again, Czech uses the elegantly simple and concise ‚jsem byl‘. ‚I am, I was‘. You can’t beat that thinking!

3. And, then there is the word u’kol. Used to great advantage (and frequency) this semester by our instructor and meaning ‘task’ or ‘assignment’. Look it up in the dictionary, however, and another meaning is expressed as well. Imposition. Yes!

4. For the male chauvinists among us there is the word ‘potíž’. The meaning is ‘difficulty’ or ‘trouble’. What is the big deal, you ask? Well, Czech nouns always have gender attached and guess which gender trouble comes in, yes, you guessed it, ….female.

5. And speaking of the female, one should not voice in Czech the concept of plural people chasing (or herding) a woman, for to do so, one might be forced to say in a sentence “ženou ženou” and everyone will think you are stuttering.

6. Lastly, my most embarrassing moment. Having just learned the diminutive name for Daddy (tata), I drove to my next place of business where I noticed on the car next to mine a bumper sticker saying boldly ”Save the Ta-ta’s”. I neglected to notice the small print unfortunately. I walked into the waiting room of this veterinary practice and loudly asked who had the bumper sticker with the Czech word on it. Silence. So I made a quick explanation and was told (somewhat severely) by a matronly woman that this was a bumper sticker for breast cancer research. Effusive apologies followed.